Tag: Kaysie

The hospice nurses leave for the day and suddenly the stark reality hits—my father is dying. And soon. As the front door closes, the responsibility shifts. Now, it’s up to my family to ensure he receives the comfort, care, and dignity he deserves…except we have no idea what we are doing. This is a first for all of us. All we wanted was to get him out of the hospital, to grant him his final wish—to die in the comfort of the home he’s lived in for 45 years with his wife and children by his side. So, now here we are. We got what we wished for, and yet each one of us feels stuck with indecision as the weight of what’s in front of us is heavier than we ever imagined. Bewilderment. Uncertainty. Paralyzing fear. I have known this feeling before. Once I place it, I realize it was during a time of new beginnings, after the premature birth of my son. Now, nine years later, I’m experiencing a prolific sort of déjà vu, but this time, it’s an ending.

Over the past year, each time I’ve read an article about someone’s experience with the coronavirus and they say something like “I slept for 22 hours” or “I didn’t get out of bed for a week,” my first thought was, “Clearly, this person does not have young children.” Because I have young children, and their capacity to let me rest in any meaningful way is non-existent. I am currently seven days into having the virus myself. When I got the call, my doctor reiterated what she had said during the exam in her office the day before. She made note of my sore throat, pounding headache, full-body aches, congestion, and slight cough and told me to drink plenty of fluid, take Tylenol as needed, and rest, rest, rest. I reminded her that I had a 5-year-old and a (teething) 13-month-old to which she smiled a sympathetic smile but had no solution for the predicament I found myself in — I am ill and need to take care of myself. Also, my kids need me 24/7.

My 13-week-old daughter recently decided that a global pandemic was the ideal time to cut her first two teeth. All the signs were there - excessive drooling, jamming her hands in her mouth, tugging at her ears, nighttime fussiness - but I chose to ignore them and feign ignorance. No, it couldn’t be. She’s too young. Impossible. The world is proving to us with each passing day that things that once seemed absurd and not even worth entertaining can happen. Will happen. Are currently happening.

TTC. If it took you longer than five minutes to get pregnant, you surely came across this cute little acronym. There are entire books, blogs, internet forums, YouTube videos, and apps devoted to it. I should know; I read all of them. Trying to conceive my first child was comically easy. My husband and I wanted a baby and a month later, without much fanfare, I was pregnant.