235 Years Is Enough

“Imagine the media treatment of Kamala Harris if she had five children by three different men.”

Stop and actually imagine it. Imagine how far Harris would have made it in her very public career. District attorney of a top 20 U.S. city? Attorney General? U.S. Senator? Vice President?

Not a chance.

I was confronted with this quote at the start of Harris’ campaign all those long weeks ago, and not only has it stayed with me, it has grown.

Imagine the treatment of Harris if she had 34 felony convictions or if she had filed bankruptcy multiple times. Imagine if she had paid off and slandered multiple people whom she had sexually assaulted. Imagine if she had inspired an attack on our nation’s capital, then stood by to watch the destruction. Imagine if she had worked to deny and sow doubt in America’s free and fair election process or refused to participate in our country’s long-standing tradition of a peaceful transfer of power.

And it is not just the media’s double standard. It is the double standard that exists within our workplaces, our homes, and our conversations. It is the way that men of a certain age growl out “that woman” when they reference Harris, their seething anger that she should dare try to achieve that level of authority. It is the same way those men spoke about Hillary Clinton, Elizabeth Warren, Nancy Pelosi, and the long list of women who have made it too far up the political ladder of power. But Harris, her joy and laughter and strength, push these growling men right over the edge.

We do not allow women the same choices we allow men, most especially women of color. A white woman with multiple divorces, affairs, and children with different fathers would be laughed off any campaign trail for even the lowest of appointments, but a Black woman? She would be crucified.

The media and the masses would never receive a woman with the rap sheet that follows behind countless high profile, successful American men. We do not forgive women their transgressions. We do not even forgive them their freedoms, freedom to marry or not marry or marry again. Freedom to have or not have children. Freedom to work outside the home. Freedom to work inside the home. Freedom to speak out. Freedom to stay silent. Whatever women choose is dissected and found wanting, always. We are all Eve, carrying around the weight of that original sin. It is what has kept us pinned for all these years, bound under their narrow, man-crafted version of God.

The fact that the current Vice President and Democratic presidential nominee is widely referred to by her (often intentionally mispronounced) first name tells you everything you need to know. The last time that happened was the only other time in history a woman held one of the major ticket nominations. This is on purpose. Make no mistake. It is meant to strip her of any due respect. It is meant to make her look small. But women are not small, and we will not be reduced to what fearful men would pray for us to be.

But the disrespect does not end there. Not only do they penalize the Vice President for her uterus, they add ridicule for that uterus never having housed a baby. Harris, who does not have biological children, has risen to the difficult role of step-mother to two now adult children. But this challenging, self-less and very real step into motherhood has still brought criticism as her political opponent J.D. Vance characterizes her and others who have borne no children as “childless cat ladies who are miserable at their own lives and the choices they’ve made and so they want to make the rest of the country miserable, too.”

This now infamous quote turned meme turned battle cry exposes how Vance and his accomplices openly strip away a woman’s purpose in this world should she fail to push children from her loins. How have we not progressed to a point where we can acknowledge a woman’s right to exist, to live her happy, full life, without the prerequisite that her womb produces a child?

Men have never been measured by how, when, or if they decide to procreate, nor have they been held to any expectation of responsibility for the children they intentionally or unintentionally produce. That responsibility lies squarely on the shoulders of women, women we are made to believe are weak and incapable. But if that’s true, why are we the ones doing all the heavy lifting?

Vance, who has spoken in the past about his desire for a federal ban on abortion, sees no use for women aside from birthing vessels. He demonizes women who do not wish to have children and asserts that those who have already raised their kids should continue to carry the weight of their children’s children. When asked how he might assist with the nation’s growing child care needs, he proposed that grandmothers should be the ones providing this care free of charge. Note that grandfathers were not included in his cutting-edge plan. Those guys can just keep playing golf and carrying on affairs with the childless cat ladies they claim to despise.

But we have an opportunity approaching, a small yet ground-shaking step on the road to equity between the sexes. It has been 235 years since this country’s first presidential election, and we have never once elected a female for the job. One thing is certain, it is not for lack of qualification.

Women know who the problem-solvers are. We know who the peace-makers are. We know who the leaders are in our homes and our schools and our social programs and communities. We know who gets things done behind the scenes and who has to work 10 times harder in front of a crowd. We see it every day in our own lives, and we see it now in this present election between two candidates who could not be farther from one another in professionalism, service, leadership, and purpose. And yet, here we are – folks scratching their heads, wondering if a woman in all her years of service to this country could ever measure up to a man who has only ever served himself.

If it wasn’t so glaringly obvious, so overtly sexist, the double standard would be laughable. But, for the love of the world, I cannot find anything funny about these tired stereotypes and patriarchal ideas of where women do and do not belong in this country, a country that we have had an equal hand in building but never an equal voice in governing.

It is time. It is centuries long past time. We have to stop setting the very lowest bar for men while women are expected to shatter some glass ceiling that just keeps getting higher. This charade cannot continue one minute longer. 235 years of trying it their way is enough.

Ashley, Woman of a Certain Rage